“Write A Poem”
6 months and 9 days,
What can I say?,
Sunday funny wrapped,
Held together because it’s ducted,
Inside is something on your head in (>>it) will rend,
Just be glad I’m not your boyfriend.
It’s the anniversary of your birthday,
I really don’t (>>have) much to say,
I’m trying to get stuff to rhyme,
I’m hoping it’s done when you’re reading this at this time,
The syllables and lines are amnesia in this poem,
Hoping you don’t mind I’ll call it Andrea’s Birthday Poem.
>> These are horrendous poems that I wrote for Giggle’s and Mocoy’s birthdays. The first one was (yes, two separate poems there) for Giggles (Lindsey) and the second for Mocoy (Andrea). The words in parentheses are words I didn’t even write on the makeshift cards but were supposed to be there, “it” instead of “in,” and “have” inserted where it is. Shows how much thought I put into things. Oh, and each of their gifts were wrapped in the Sunday funnies and taped with duct tape. Giggle’s gift was a 3 tiara that now lives in her vehicular object. Mocoy’s gift…s…were two fortune cookies, some amount of crème savers, 17 cents (at lack of 17 dollars), and a tape unconsciously added to the package. The reason I put up these exponentially sub-par poems up is because Mocoy wanted me to write a poem, but I had nothing to poem about in particular. So…deal with it.
Aug 25, 2005
Aug 18, 2005
I Choke On Food And Drink Daily
“A Childhood Experience”
Well, you see I had this sweatshirt that I wore everywhere…no, seriously, I’ll say something real. When I was young, I lived in a bedroom upstairs and down the hall to the left across from the bathroom. I had a full sized bed and a dino comforter. Everything was great until my parents decided to turn my room into an office. My room was then moved downstairs in the basement…the whole entire basement. Not completely but there was three rooms, a laundry room, my bro’s room, and the main room that contained the only TV and led to both of the other rooms. My bed was located at the farthest to the west with a dresser and couch for an east wall. I didn’t even have a blanket hung up for a wall the separate my “room” from everything else. Now, I could hear everything that moved above the basement, everything that came down to the basement, and everything that entered the basement. The doors didn’t help, all three doors squeak and…rumf(?)…against their door frames. Now, I could get over that…except for when my sis came down the stairs and turned on the overheard lights to get to the laundry room, which is about three feet to the left (when coming down) of the downstairs door. I would turn off the lights, but then I would have to walk across my basement to turn them off, then walk back in the dark hoping to not hit anything hard. It was just easier to take the blankets and put them over my head. Also, in the middle of the night our heater/AC would come on…that’s located in the laundry room which has a big vent that leads into my “room.” When you’re little and trying to fall asleep and a loud humming noise comes on in the night…you’re wide awake…of course I would get used to it and get close to falling asleep the to the rhythmic, soothing, humming of this vent. Then, it’s quiet…dead quiet…and I am awake once again. This was not the worse, the crickets were, I woke up almost every night to a cricket chirping in my huge basement. One night, I got sick of it, turned on my lamp (I put one on my dresser so I could get up in the morning without inflicting pain to myself), got a stick, a bright flashlight, and searched for the little effer. I would find it by sound and when it stopped I knew I was close and stab it. There are still dried cricket guts on that stick. I’m sorry, I lied, crickets are nothing, I could kill those, the mornings got bad. One morning I almost pissed myself waking up to an obnoxious racketing noise, a voice blairing, and a bright light. It was my father…on the Nordic Track…watching TV at ridicolous volumes…at five in the morning. The Nordic Track is loud in itself, but boring, so my dad turns on the TV, puts the volume at 41 WITH the stereo hooked up to it. I didn’t ask what he was doing, I didn’t ask why he was doing this, that was obvious, but why he did it now. Not even my dino comforter could comfort me. How I did well in school at the point in time still baffles me. Soon…or I don’t know…it was a horrible blur…we added onto our house and my sis got a new room and I got her old one. It’s tiny, it’s light blue, and full of random crap. To this day I still have my dino comforter and forever it shall be as it there to comfort. What’s the moral? I don’t know, maybe to give your kids a real room for personal space and give them a sweet comforter with dinos?
>> I was given this back in driver’s ed by Mocoy because she wanted a story or something from my childhood, at first I thought of the time when I flew 10 feet in the air, then changed to when I fought with sticks, finally I settle with this when my bro reminded me of it whilst on my trip. I look back and I laugh…especially when I tell it aloud. If this does not satisfy you, then I’ll give you one of the other stories by unanimous request (that’s right, a unanimous request of 2!). Wow this is long, the document which holds all my journals can no longer provide spelling and grammar check it’s so long and full of “mistakes.” If you want to know about my trip through Kansas (should be pronounced ‘Kun-saw’), Oklahoma, Arkansas (barely), Oklahoma, Texas, Oklahoma, and finally Colorado…you’re going to have to wait…by unanimous request (haha!). I have to go to school tomorrow…hope I didn’t miss anything ridicolously important. Again, I am sorry for any spelling, etc., mistakes…I’m just too lazy cut/paste to make new documents. Have fun!
Well, you see I had this sweatshirt that I wore everywhere…no, seriously, I’ll say something real. When I was young, I lived in a bedroom upstairs and down the hall to the left across from the bathroom. I had a full sized bed and a dino comforter. Everything was great until my parents decided to turn my room into an office. My room was then moved downstairs in the basement…the whole entire basement. Not completely but there was three rooms, a laundry room, my bro’s room, and the main room that contained the only TV and led to both of the other rooms. My bed was located at the farthest to the west with a dresser and couch for an east wall. I didn’t even have a blanket hung up for a wall the separate my “room” from everything else. Now, I could hear everything that moved above the basement, everything that came down to the basement, and everything that entered the basement. The doors didn’t help, all three doors squeak and…rumf(?)…against their door frames. Now, I could get over that…except for when my sis came down the stairs and turned on the overheard lights to get to the laundry room, which is about three feet to the left (when coming down) of the downstairs door. I would turn off the lights, but then I would have to walk across my basement to turn them off, then walk back in the dark hoping to not hit anything hard. It was just easier to take the blankets and put them over my head. Also, in the middle of the night our heater/AC would come on…that’s located in the laundry room which has a big vent that leads into my “room.” When you’re little and trying to fall asleep and a loud humming noise comes on in the night…you’re wide awake…of course I would get used to it and get close to falling asleep the to the rhythmic, soothing, humming of this vent. Then, it’s quiet…dead quiet…and I am awake once again. This was not the worse, the crickets were, I woke up almost every night to a cricket chirping in my huge basement. One night, I got sick of it, turned on my lamp (I put one on my dresser so I could get up in the morning without inflicting pain to myself), got a stick, a bright flashlight, and searched for the little effer. I would find it by sound and when it stopped I knew I was close and stab it. There are still dried cricket guts on that stick. I’m sorry, I lied, crickets are nothing, I could kill those, the mornings got bad. One morning I almost pissed myself waking up to an obnoxious racketing noise, a voice blairing, and a bright light. It was my father…on the Nordic Track…watching TV at ridicolous volumes…at five in the morning. The Nordic Track is loud in itself, but boring, so my dad turns on the TV, puts the volume at 41 WITH the stereo hooked up to it. I didn’t ask what he was doing, I didn’t ask why he was doing this, that was obvious, but why he did it now. Not even my dino comforter could comfort me. How I did well in school at the point in time still baffles me. Soon…or I don’t know…it was a horrible blur…we added onto our house and my sis got a new room and I got her old one. It’s tiny, it’s light blue, and full of random crap. To this day I still have my dino comforter and forever it shall be as it there to comfort. What’s the moral? I don’t know, maybe to give your kids a real room for personal space and give them a sweet comforter with dinos?
>> I was given this back in driver’s ed by Mocoy because she wanted a story or something from my childhood, at first I thought of the time when I flew 10 feet in the air, then changed to when I fought with sticks, finally I settle with this when my bro reminded me of it whilst on my trip. I look back and I laugh…especially when I tell it aloud. If this does not satisfy you, then I’ll give you one of the other stories by unanimous request (that’s right, a unanimous request of 2!). Wow this is long, the document which holds all my journals can no longer provide spelling and grammar check it’s so long and full of “mistakes.” If you want to know about my trip through Kansas (should be pronounced ‘Kun-saw’), Oklahoma, Arkansas (barely), Oklahoma, Texas, Oklahoma, and finally Colorado…you’re going to have to wait…by unanimous request (haha!). I have to go to school tomorrow…hope I didn’t miss anything ridicolously important. Again, I am sorry for any spelling, etc., mistakes…I’m just too lazy cut/paste to make new documents. Have fun!
Aug 12, 2005
You'll Survive, And If You Don't, You Didn't Deserve To Survive
“How Do You Orchestrate Happiness?”
Unknowingly. Apparently, I just say random stuff that comes to my head and people are suddenly happy. Wait…let me look up orchestrate to make sure I know what it means…*rolls to local dictionary*…alright, it does. Seriously, I’m not quite sure how I do it but somehow I just do. Of course, I don’t hang around people who don’t make me happy and I seemingly don’t make them happy, so that might have something to do with it. Also, if someone seems a little sad or distressed (sometimes I have a hard time telling if at all), I’ll ask them what’s wrong and try to help them out, make them feel like they’re not alone. This is soon continued by something said that is completely sporadic and makes their thought process run off track. Happiness is soon followed…usually…and the person feels better and generally happy. I just might ask some people how I orchestrate happiness as they would know better than I…or is it me?
>> Mocoy gave this to me a long time ago…during driver’s ed…I’m sorry now, so shush. Tomorrow I leave and won’t be back until next Thursday in case for some reason it completely escaped from your mind that I was. Go to school for one day next week…that will be interesting…don’t know why…but it will. I figure I’ll get a head start on asking people by asking you…how do I orchestrate happiness? There has to be a reason you people put with me. Hmm…I won’t be able to see what you say right away, but I’ll still be able to see eventually…so go ahead tell me. Please, put my contemplating mind at rest. Thank you.
Unknowingly. Apparently, I just say random stuff that comes to my head and people are suddenly happy. Wait…let me look up orchestrate to make sure I know what it means…*rolls to local dictionary*…alright, it does. Seriously, I’m not quite sure how I do it but somehow I just do. Of course, I don’t hang around people who don’t make me happy and I seemingly don’t make them happy, so that might have something to do with it. Also, if someone seems a little sad or distressed (sometimes I have a hard time telling if at all), I’ll ask them what’s wrong and try to help them out, make them feel like they’re not alone. This is soon continued by something said that is completely sporadic and makes their thought process run off track. Happiness is soon followed…usually…and the person feels better and generally happy. I just might ask some people how I orchestrate happiness as they would know better than I…or is it me?
>> Mocoy gave this to me a long time ago…during driver’s ed…I’m sorry now, so shush. Tomorrow I leave and won’t be back until next Thursday in case for some reason it completely escaped from your mind that I was. Go to school for one day next week…that will be interesting…don’t know why…but it will. I figure I’ll get a head start on asking people by asking you…how do I orchestrate happiness? There has to be a reason you people put with me. Hmm…I won’t be able to see what you say right away, but I’ll still be able to see eventually…so go ahead tell me. Please, put my contemplating mind at rest. Thank you.
Aug 8, 2005
My Mind And Myself Are Quite Real, So Would This Mean My Fantasies Are A Reality?
“My Thought Process”
It finally came down to this, a roof-top, a target, and a job to be finished. He aimed his six shooter at the man giving him no chance left. He fired…and nothing happened…a sudden realization hit him that he had used his six bullets earlier that day. He had to think fast, he was supposed to be good at his job. Then with all his might he threw his gun and aimed for the main body in hopes of knocking his target off balance off the roof. Consequently, he hit the target in the face. The target grabbed it’s head and yelled something about its eye, staggered, and fell to its knees…off of the roof-top. Not quite the desired effect but he was good at his job.
>> Watching TV and got bored of what was on and thought of what I would do if I suddenly ran out of bullets…how I got to this thought I don’t quite remember, wait there’s more!
NEXT TIME ON “ALL MY DEALLIES”
“moo.”
“moo.”
“moo.”
*slap*
*insert dramatic music* dun dun DUN
SEE THE TRAMATIZING CONCLUSION THAT WE WON’T SHOW FOR A LONG, LONG, LONG TIME.
>> Again, I got bored, and so we don’t have a faux pa (spelling?), a deally is basically when you take your right hand and make it into a creature like thing that crawls everywhere with your fingers as legs. Also, a deally says and only says “moo” in a monotone voice with no emotion at all. Kungfu Bob pretty much came up with ‘deally’ in the 7th grade and we’ve always just had fun with it. Thanks to him, I can no longer say ‘deally’ without saying “moo” afterward. If you have seen watched an episode of a soap opera, they don’t tell you anything, just keep the suspense, and that’s how they keep their audience. Still more!
The 50 foot tall porcupine stood atop the ridge upon its hind legs. A quill sword in its left hand and one of the three heads from Ghidora in its right. The porcupine soon spotted the flying monster known as Rhodan and it would be next. The porcupine spun the head around faster and faster and released straight for Rhodan. The head clipped Rhodan’s right wing and the creature spun out of control straight for the earth. Rhodan recovered in time to just barely miss the ground and started to head straight for the porcupine, blinded by a furious anger. The porcupine stood in a defensive position, cleaving the quill sword in both hands waiting for the oncoming Rhodan to strike. Rhodan suddenly brought up its claws to rip the porcupine into shreds and soon found this to be a mistake. The porcupine swung the quill sword around and into the Rhodan’s claws, the barbs cut in and expanded. Rhodan’s claws were ripped to shreds and the left claw barely hung and remained a bloody mass. Rhodan soared into the sky to escape the deadly weapon and the porcupine’s wrath. The porcupine bent back exposing its chest and suddenly bent back forward and flexed its back muscles launching a wave of smaller quills into the sky at Rhodan. Several punctured Rhodan’s wings and sent the creature hurtling toward the earth. As the porcupine waited for the dust cloud to settle Rhodan struck out with its hard, long beak at the sword and sent it flying out of reach and stabbed the porcupine in the torso sending it across the ridge. Rhodan knew to survive it would have to fight this new monster without its weapon. The porcupine rose from the ground, quills flared, reached back, and drew out a new, longer, and barb filled quill. Rhodan knew then that it could not win and there was no surviving. The porcupine crawled away that day with another victory heading for the ultimate goal of achieving a name in history.
Godzilla…you’re next.
>> I was floating along a river when I saw a ridge and came up with this. Ghidora and Rhodan are both monsters from the Japanese Godzilla movies and I’m not sure if I have spelled those names correctly. I got the idea for the porcupine from when we were visiting old family friends in the mountains and they were showing us around their ranch…place…and we saw three porcupines. One was freaking huge and was a good distance from the tall grass so we decided to drive up to it. Well, we wanted to see the porcupine’s face…that is very difficult…we were driving around in circles practically rounding up a single porcupine at max speeds of 15 mph (for fear of hitting a rather large bump) and all the time the porcupine is evading us. We never got to see its face. Next!
*Jimi Hendrix guitar riff from All Along The Watchtower that leads into crazy beats and riffs from Rage Against the Machine and leads into all kinds of music from all sorts of bands that only leads back to All Along The Watchtower*
>> When I get really bored I literally start to go into guitar riffs and all sorts of crazy stuff. This also been known to happen whilst reading a book. I was reading a book one day and I noticed that there was music being played in my head…seemingly from my right side…I tried to identify the band and song but as soon as I realized there was music…it faded away only to return when I started to get into the book, its really annoying. Last of all!
Insanity is defined as doing something over and over again expecting a different result. Almost everyone I know who has met Kungfu Bob (or heard about him) has called him insane…as if they expect him to change or something. Maybe he’s just normal and everyone else is insane. That would be awesome. Only the insane thrive, and those who thrive decide what’s insane.
>> I actually thought about this one day when I was pulling weeds or something. I got to show this to Kungfu Bob now. These are basically some of my thought processes…processi…proci…plural for “process”…and I got the idea from when I asked Mocoy why she exactly read all this.
“Mostly because it’s hilarious.”
“Mostly? What’s the other part?”
“To get an inside look at the maze that is your mind.” (Paraphrased there)
“I don’t really think of it as a maze more than a big wide open field that’s being harvested too much.” That’s how I got to all this and it is now ridicously long and probably full of all sorts of errors…ignore those please…thank you. Oh yes, I’m going to be gone…again!…to work at my grandmother’s to earn money for stuff. Then I’m leaving again! Going to Arkansas with my sis to her college because she doesn’t want to go alone so my bro and mother are being dragged along as well. So, I’m going to miss the first day of school and won’t get to catch up and people won’t get to talk to me, BUWAHAHAHAHA…I mean…suckers.
It finally came down to this, a roof-top, a target, and a job to be finished. He aimed his six shooter at the man giving him no chance left. He fired…and nothing happened…a sudden realization hit him that he had used his six bullets earlier that day. He had to think fast, he was supposed to be good at his job. Then with all his might he threw his gun and aimed for the main body in hopes of knocking his target off balance off the roof. Consequently, he hit the target in the face. The target grabbed it’s head and yelled something about its eye, staggered, and fell to its knees…off of the roof-top. Not quite the desired effect but he was good at his job.
>> Watching TV and got bored of what was on and thought of what I would do if I suddenly ran out of bullets…how I got to this thought I don’t quite remember, wait there’s more!
NEXT TIME ON “ALL MY DEALLIES”
“moo.”
“moo.”
“moo.”
*slap*
*insert dramatic music* dun dun DUN
SEE THE TRAMATIZING CONCLUSION THAT WE WON’T SHOW FOR A LONG, LONG, LONG TIME.
>> Again, I got bored, and so we don’t have a faux pa (spelling?), a deally is basically when you take your right hand and make it into a creature like thing that crawls everywhere with your fingers as legs. Also, a deally says and only says “moo” in a monotone voice with no emotion at all. Kungfu Bob pretty much came up with ‘deally’ in the 7th grade and we’ve always just had fun with it. Thanks to him, I can no longer say ‘deally’ without saying “moo” afterward. If you have seen watched an episode of a soap opera, they don’t tell you anything, just keep the suspense, and that’s how they keep their audience. Still more!
The 50 foot tall porcupine stood atop the ridge upon its hind legs. A quill sword in its left hand and one of the three heads from Ghidora in its right. The porcupine soon spotted the flying monster known as Rhodan and it would be next. The porcupine spun the head around faster and faster and released straight for Rhodan. The head clipped Rhodan’s right wing and the creature spun out of control straight for the earth. Rhodan recovered in time to just barely miss the ground and started to head straight for the porcupine, blinded by a furious anger. The porcupine stood in a defensive position, cleaving the quill sword in both hands waiting for the oncoming Rhodan to strike. Rhodan suddenly brought up its claws to rip the porcupine into shreds and soon found this to be a mistake. The porcupine swung the quill sword around and into the Rhodan’s claws, the barbs cut in and expanded. Rhodan’s claws were ripped to shreds and the left claw barely hung and remained a bloody mass. Rhodan soared into the sky to escape the deadly weapon and the porcupine’s wrath. The porcupine bent back exposing its chest and suddenly bent back forward and flexed its back muscles launching a wave of smaller quills into the sky at Rhodan. Several punctured Rhodan’s wings and sent the creature hurtling toward the earth. As the porcupine waited for the dust cloud to settle Rhodan struck out with its hard, long beak at the sword and sent it flying out of reach and stabbed the porcupine in the torso sending it across the ridge. Rhodan knew to survive it would have to fight this new monster without its weapon. The porcupine rose from the ground, quills flared, reached back, and drew out a new, longer, and barb filled quill. Rhodan knew then that it could not win and there was no surviving. The porcupine crawled away that day with another victory heading for the ultimate goal of achieving a name in history.
Godzilla…you’re next.
>> I was floating along a river when I saw a ridge and came up with this. Ghidora and Rhodan are both monsters from the Japanese Godzilla movies and I’m not sure if I have spelled those names correctly. I got the idea for the porcupine from when we were visiting old family friends in the mountains and they were showing us around their ranch…place…and we saw three porcupines. One was freaking huge and was a good distance from the tall grass so we decided to drive up to it. Well, we wanted to see the porcupine’s face…that is very difficult…we were driving around in circles practically rounding up a single porcupine at max speeds of 15 mph (for fear of hitting a rather large bump) and all the time the porcupine is evading us. We never got to see its face. Next!
*Jimi Hendrix guitar riff from All Along The Watchtower that leads into crazy beats and riffs from Rage Against the Machine and leads into all kinds of music from all sorts of bands that only leads back to All Along The Watchtower*
>> When I get really bored I literally start to go into guitar riffs and all sorts of crazy stuff. This also been known to happen whilst reading a book. I was reading a book one day and I noticed that there was music being played in my head…seemingly from my right side…I tried to identify the band and song but as soon as I realized there was music…it faded away only to return when I started to get into the book, its really annoying. Last of all!
Insanity is defined as doing something over and over again expecting a different result. Almost everyone I know who has met Kungfu Bob (or heard about him) has called him insane…as if they expect him to change or something. Maybe he’s just normal and everyone else is insane. That would be awesome. Only the insane thrive, and those who thrive decide what’s insane.
>> I actually thought about this one day when I was pulling weeds or something. I got to show this to Kungfu Bob now. These are basically some of my thought processes…processi…proci…plural for “process”…and I got the idea from when I asked Mocoy why she exactly read all this.
“Mostly because it’s hilarious.”
“Mostly? What’s the other part?”
“To get an inside look at the maze that is your mind.” (Paraphrased there)
“I don’t really think of it as a maze more than a big wide open field that’s being harvested too much.” That’s how I got to all this and it is now ridicously long and probably full of all sorts of errors…ignore those please…thank you. Oh yes, I’m going to be gone…again!…to work at my grandmother’s to earn money for stuff. Then I’m leaving again! Going to Arkansas with my sis to her college because she doesn’t want to go alone so my bro and mother are being dragged along as well. So, I’m going to miss the first day of school and won’t get to catch up and people won’t get to talk to me, BUWAHAHAHAHA…I mean…suckers.
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