Timmy The Wonder Monkey!

“If I Had A Chimp…”

If I had a chimp, I’d be angry because I obviously ordered a monkey. As we all know, chimps are not monkeys. Despite the mix up in the postal service, I would probably still continue with my plan until my monkey arrives in 6 to 8 weeks. I’d name the chimp “Jarold,” as I have yet to meet someone I like with that name and Jarold isn’t a real monkey. I’d train Jarold to pick pocket people, what are they going to do? Arrest a chimpanzee? Also, Jarold would carry around a little squirt gun that looks like a real gun, except spray painted black. So people will be scared and wet in two places! I will also teach Jarold do bag his feces, put it on a random doorstep, light it on fire, ring the doorbell, and run like a monkey (because he’s only a chimpanzee). All of this training will probably take up the 6 to 8 weeks for my monkey to arrive. I will then name the monkey “Timmy” because it would be freaking awesome. Timmy would be taught everything Jarold was and more. Then, I would teach Jarold to follow Timmy everywhere, so whenever Timmy gets in trouble he’ll be taught to look innocent and point to Jarold. Soon, Jarold will probably be taken away and I’ll just have to order a raven in hopes of getting a free crow and raven. I will soon have an army of unconventional animals, I will ride the Emu into battle followed by my most loyal minions.

>> I have to thank Mocoy for this prompt, thanks. I’m not too fond of chimpanzees, which I’m Mocoy didn’t know so it made this journal all the more fun. What would you do if you had a chimp?